She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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