The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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