Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
