Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
