u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
