you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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