I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
