i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
