I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
