the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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