Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When are your genitals available?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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