WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
