Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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