Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
