Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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