i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
