I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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