She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
