If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
