Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize