she looked like the before picture.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need moral support for this bender
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
