Yo dont text me then not text me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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