I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
