break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize