Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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