While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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