2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
