i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
