I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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