Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
