Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
