I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think i got beer on your cat.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
