took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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