yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
