she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
