He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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