Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
