Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
