sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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