The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
