Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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