He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize