Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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