NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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