go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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