Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
