there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
