I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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