Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
