I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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