He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
