yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
