The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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