right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize