Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
