I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
