i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
