I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
