Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize