I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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