She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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