Dude my mom stole all your condoms
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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