I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
