She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
