He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
