Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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