I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
